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Why Won’t He Commit? 16 Unexpected Signs He's A Commitment Phobe

Vivian KELLY
by Vivian KELLY Published on October 9, 2014

Does he make you feel unwanted but still claim to ‘love' you? We know exactly what you’re going through. If his attitude towards love, relationships and commitment are anything but transparent (more like non existent), girl he's probably a commitment phobe. Avoid the heartbreak and confusion and check out these 15 unexpected signs he can't commit (before it's too late).

Every relationship starts off as promising, but we all know that most of the time it won't last. After all, you're either in a relationship to get hitched or more commonly, to break up.

But, commit-a-phobes, they're a totally different story. One mention of the word 'we' and before you know it they're gone. You don’t hear from them for days, sometimes weeks. Then suddenly they come back and the vicious circle starts again.

Ladies - no more. If you think he might have a deep fear of intimacy check out these 15 signs he’s a commitment phobe and finally get some peace of mind...

1. He travels for work

Traveling a lot is a recipe for instability in any relationship, but for a commitment phobe? It's perfect. He will never have to commit to a regular schedule with you, giving him more freedom to do exactly what he wants. He also has A LOT more opportunities to be unfaithful too. Hmm not a good sign.

2. You haven’t met each others’ friends, family, or co-workers yet

Commitment phobes compartmentalize different aspects of their lives and will make every excuse not to let you get in the way of them.

3. He’s a total charmer

At first, they can be extremely charming and give you all the love and attention you need. Until, that is, he knows he’s got your love locked down. This is when his less attractive side begins to show…

4. He’s a last minute planner

Being late or standing you up is a regular thing for him. Why? Because committing time to you is a big deal to him so if you ever demand his time don’t be surprised if he doesn't comply. It's his way or the highway.

5. He blames you for being crazy

He makes you feel like you’re ‘overreacting’ or too ‘overbearing’. Even worse, he says you’re a drama queen for annoying him about not seeing each other enough. Me, overdramatic?

6. He has a history of infidelity

Make sure to quiz your man before you commit to anything serious. A dude with a string of broken relationships and affairs is bad news for any girl. NO exceptions.

7. He loves the chase

…but the catch? It’s not half as exciting. Commitment phobes push back as soon as you start getting too close but as soon as you pull away their love for you has no end. Exhausting...

8. He’s into gambling, sex, drinking or drugs

If he has an addiction to any of the above, chances are, he’s not very happy with his life. So if he can’t commit to himself, how’s he gonna commit to you? Ask yourself.

9. The toothbrush dilemma

If leaving your toothbrush at his is still a problem, he may not want you to think the relationship is a ‘permanent’ one. Interrogate him! (You have every right.) After a reasonable amount of time there shouldn't be any excuse not to.

10. The ‘I don’t want a label’ excuse

Otherwise known as the biggest BS excuse known to women. We’ve heard it all before - ‘I’ve been hurt bad’, ‘I don’t believe in labels’, ‘I like to take things slowly’. Please, save your breathe.

11. He gets bored easily

Texts become rare, calls zero to none… commit-a-phobes don’t like committing because they want to have the freedom to still shop around. What (or who) is keeping your man from dialing?

12. He treats you like a mistress rather than a GF

If your man’s not committed, you’re probably not high up on his list of priorities either. Does he check in regularly? Make you dinner sometimes? Introduce you as his girlfriend (very important)? Make sure he’s treating you like a GF and not just a side chick.

13. Lying is second nature to him

Lying about what he’s doing or where he is gives him a sense of freedom and space. It also make him feel powerful. Commitment phobes hate being controlled and confined to a single relationship, he needs to know he has total control over what you do together. Nothing less, nothing more.

14. You feel like your relationship has reached a dead end

Not fulfilled by your man anymore? Things probably went fast paced at first, seeming almost too perfect, but now it feels like things have come to a sudden halt. You hear from him less, your emotional connection has fizzled out, you don't spend as much time together... these are classic signs of a fearful man getting too close.

15. He'd rather stay at yours

Guys who are really afraid of commitment don't even like to sleep in their own bed! With you, at least. Avoiding attachment can be tricky sometimes, which is why he might feel more comfortable if he sleeps over your place instead. Control. Control. Control.

16. He never uses the word 'we'

'Marriage' and 'forever' can be pretty daunting to hear even for romantic types! But if 'we' isn't part of his vocabulary yet you might want to question his intentions in it all. Where does he see himself in 10 years time? If you're not in it, then the relationship is probably not for you.

Agree with this? Tweet us at @wewomenCA!

?Follow this author on Twitter @vivkell for more!

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by Vivian KELLY

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