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The Secret To Letting Loose: 20 Ways To Boost Your Sexual Confidence

Vivian KELLY
by Vivian KELLY Published on March 18, 2014

All women are little self-conscious when it comes to sex. A flood of questions come to mind; Do I look fat? Are my boobs saggy? Will he notice my stretch marks? We’re only human. Once we stop self-diagnosing our ‘imperfections’ we can start enjoying sex just as much as him. So let go of your inhibitions and unleash your inner goddess with these 20 fail-safe ways to boost your sexual confidence stat!

We’re our own worst critics when it comes to body image. Women always feel like they’re falling short of what they see on TV or in magazines, but what’s true is that your man loves you for who you are.

​All your worries over dimples, stretch marks and flabby bits are an unnecessary burden in your relationship. But here’s something you may have not have realized. He doesn’t notice any of it!

To him, you are superwoman. So defuse the embarrassment and start embracing sex again with our expert tips to boost your sexual confidence! We promise you, sex will never be the same.

1. Live your fantasies

We all have a fetish or fantasy we’ve never done before. Whether it’s a bit of S&M or dress up fantasy you need to start turning those sexual thoughts into hot, hot sex.

Sarah Bailey of UKMedix.com says you should live out your wildest dreams! The sexual ones obviously. “You will be amazed by the difference made by a dress up uniform or pair of handcuffs. Even the stalest of sex lives can be completely reinvigorated by introducing some fresh and frisky fun.” ​

2. Play dress up

Modelling your gorgeous lingerie for him not only makes you feel like a sex goddess, it gives you all kinds of sexual confidence (that you won’t get when you're in the nude).

Experts at We-Vibe say women often “worry that their partner won’t find them attractive naked, so explain these concerns if you have them. You will realize that this is far from the truth. Wearing some gorgeous underwear can help you look and feel amazing.” So how about a trip to Victoria’s Secret on the way home tonight?

3. Moisturize (down there)

A bit of extra moisture in your lady bits never hurt anyone. In fact, if you pamper your nether regions you’ll feel more comfortable and WAY more sexy because of it. Try Sylk, a plant based moisturizer made from kiwifruit that promises to never make you clench the burning sensations of it's other irritating lubricant friends.

4. Build tension

Teasing is a sure-fire way to drive him insane and build up sexual tension. Blindfold your sweetheart, give him a sexy lap dance or try on some sexy lingerie for him. Nothing’s hotter than seeing your man beg for your attention. Are we right? Or are we right?

5. Quit body shaming

Sex is the most intimate thing a couple can do and it can be OUT OF THIS WORLD if you stopped being so hard on yourself. Confidence is all about being comfortable with who you are.

Experts at We-Vibe say, Remember that your partner is with you because he or she loves spending time with you and thinks you are the most beautiful person in the world – not because you are as flexible as an Olympic gymnast or can complete every move in the Kama Sutra.” So instead of fretting over how you look or what he might expect embrace your body (the sweat and the post-sex hair)!

6. A glass of wine? Cocktail anyone?

Alcohol in moderation can be a great way to help you relax and forget about your sexual inhibitions. We-Vibe experts say, “A couple glasses of wine with a meal can give you the confidence to try new tricks between the sheets and blow his mind.” But be careful. One drink too many and you might end up having a snooze mid-sex. He wants to nurse your sexual appetite - nothing else!

7. Snack on bananas, berries and almonds!

Sometimes a bit of sexual confidence comes with living a healthy lifestyle and by that we mean eating the right things!

Dr Marilyn Glenville says, “Bananas are a good source of Vitamin B6, which is important for the manufacture of sex hormones. Berries are also rich in the mineral zinc, which helps your body to produce sex hormones, and also is high in antioxidants, which help to optimize blood flow to the sex organs.

"​Snacking on a handful of almonds will help to keep up your intake of essential, healthy fats, which are vital for your production of sex hormones." And to make it all the better, your body will be in fab shape, shedding pounds and keeping off weight. Hello new confident you!

8. Turn up the music

It’s true when they say music can influence the way you feel about yourself. Turn on something sexy and tap into your inner sex pot. How about Marvin Gaye, "Lets Get It On" - works every time!

9. Flick of the switch

Nobody likes harsh fluorescent lighting. In fact it’s a nuisance for us all! Go about this by creating a soft glow in your boudoir. “Dim the lights or just keep the sidelights on in order to cast a flattering glow on the setting. If you want to add an element of romance, light a few candles," say We-Vibe experts. Candlelight is extra sexy and super flattering, the perfect choice to help you relax and get ready to completely let go.

10. Fake it

Not something we’d normally recommend, but when it comes to sexual confidence the old adage “fake it ’til you make it” couldn’t be more appropriate. If you’re feeling really self-conscious and you're not sure where to start adopt an alter ego for the night. (Hey, he doesn’t need to know!) The most important thing not to fake in the bedroom is your orgasm.

11. Explore your body

You gotta be comfortable in your own body before you can even think about pleasing his. So why not try solo-sex? Yep, we said it. Masturbating. Once you learn what turns you on and what you like you can ensure to get what you want.

​Better yet, masturbate with him! He’ll learn way more about you and your body and will want nothing more but YOU. Which makes every girl feel pretty special.

12. Play games

Games can take sex to a whole other level. If your nerves are getting the best of you then why not suggest a game or two? We-Vibe experts suggest using food, “When the time is right, get comfortable and playfully blindfold him.

"​Together, sensually explore the texture, scent and taste of each food. Try to correctly identify each one. Reward correct answers with a special touch or kiss – and when your partner gets it wrong, playfully demand that they pleasure you in a satisfying way.” This will drive him crazy!

13. ​Keep talking

Communication is key in any sexual relationship. If you both share your feelings you’ll both be in a better position to trust, confide and open up to one another.

Sarah says, “Keep your lines of communication with your partner as open as possible. Don’t be afraid to tell them if something isn’t working for you or guide them in a better direction to ensure you both feel completely at ease. ​Once established, you’ll feel a new kind of sexual confidence you’ve never experienced before.

14. Don’t compare yourself…

…to anyone. Ever. It’s hard not to compare ourselves to pin-up models and Hollywood’s hottest, but try to remember that this isn’t a competition. Everyone is different - never let self-doubt make you think otherwise!

Sarah says, “Many insecurities stem from making comparisons with others and feeling you come out unfavourably. While this can affect your confidence in any area of your life, your sexual confidence is likely to be the hardest hit.”

​Instead focus on the things that make you unique. Is it your eye colour? Your dry sense of humour? Your birthmark? Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are and he will too. ​Promise.

15. Destress

Don’t let the stresses of today ruin your sexual adventures of tonight. Getting over a lousy day at work and feeling on edge all the time is a recipe for bad sex.

​A weakened libido, insecurities and million other things on your mind are only going to push him away. So do as Sarah says and “put time aside to relax and let go of any stresses that have accumulated during the day.” A good old vent sesh? A hot bath? A nice sensual massage (from your man)? Yes, please!

16. Don’t go rom-com crazy

He probably loves you for this already (not really), but it’s a fail-safe way to put a smile on our face and getting us to feel all romantic again. BUT research has shown that watching too many chick flicks can actually give you an unrealistic view of what relationships and sexuality are all about.

​So yes, indulge in a good'ol romantic film, but don’t take it too seriously!

17. Head to the gym

This isn't a way of saying lose weight! That's not what sexual confidence is all about, but as the experts at We-Vibe say, “research has shown that exercise (even if you’re not shedding the pounds), makes you feel great and boosts your body image."

​So treat yourself to some cool fitness gear and let the endorphins boost your confidence!

18. Get off Facebook

Scouring through your friend’s photos and reading endless status updates of how 'perfect' and 'happy' everyone is in their relationship can feed your insecurities. All of the sudden you’re asking yourself why not you, but in reality it’s all a hoax!

It’s an unrealistic interpretation of what real-life really is like. Click off social media and start getting some real one-to-one interaction with your beau. Only then will you be able to strengthen your bond and feel sexier.

19. Be adventurous

People are way more interesting when they take risks than when they don’t take them at all (boring). It’s a bit like being at school, you really want to ask a question, but aren’t sure what people’s reaction will be. Will they think your stupid?

​He would never! Build up the courage to try something new in bed and watch your sexual confidence soar. Why not have taboo sex or try a couple's vibrator? There's always something new and exciting to try.

20. Affirmations

It’s not only our boyfriends that we constantly need reassurance from - it’s ourselves too. Try this old fashion trick to boost your confidence.

​When you step out of the shower look in the mirror and say “I am sexy” and “My body is beautiful”. Once you keep saying it you’ll start believing it! Trust.

Feeling like a dominatrix? What else makes you feel more confident in bed? Tweet us @wewomenCA

by Vivian KELLY

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