1. Their Facebook is the homepage on your browser
You wouldn't want to fall behind on your studies, now would you?
2. You ask your pals to send a friend request to his new girlfriend
But not before you erase any possible links between you two.
3. You understand the inside jokes between your ex and their friends
They can post "carpet" on each other's Facebook timeline and you erupt in a fit of laughter. Then you realize they're talking about you and nothing is funny anymore.
4. You search hashtags of events you know they're attending
As well as every variation of it. #NoPhotosLeftBehind, #NPLB #NoPhotosLeft... you get the picture.
5. You check their Twitter timeline even though you don't have Twitter
"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just catching up on current events."
6. You think all their updates are subliminal messages meant for you
Their Facebook status: "Just woke up... Still tired."
You: Tired of living without me, obviously!
7. You live in constant fear of double tapping
Sweat and scroll. Sweat and scroll.
8. You save photos they share... JUST in case
Then add them ALL to a safely hidden dossier.
9. You check their Instagram before you check yours
Their life has basically become your life.
10. You make sure no one's watching while you browse their page
Not because you're ashamed, but because you like to lurk alone.
11. You figured out their e-mail password...
If not on the first try, you didn't give up until access was granted (or...taken?).
12. You know who they're going to date next... Before they do
All those flirty comments? Yup, they're gonna bone.
13. You get upset once they've updated their privacy settings
They decided to act brand new and shut you out...Or so they thought...
14. You made fake social media accounts
They couldn't keep you out for long.
15. You discuss their life like it's a riveting episode of "Scandal"
"OMG! You wouldn't believe it. Can you believe it? Who would've thought? I need a moment to even begin to understand what just happened."
16. You got wasted one night and sent a strongly worded DM
They've been very reckless with their social media shenanigans, with zero regard to how you might feel. So what do you do? Tell 'em off while inebriated. It's the only way.
17. You're able to spot him in the background picture of a crowded party
AND he's coupled up. You obviously circle them both in red marker and plot their imminent demise. Bwahahaha!
18. You know the first and last name of everyone they associate with...
The most impressive part? You didn't get it from Facebook.
19. ...And where they live
Just being thorough.
20. You've considered being a private investigator
Because you're so good at getting info on their life, even you're afraid of your powers.
21. Your friends have expressed concern
It looks like your hobby might be getting out of hand.
22. But then you tell them...
Then you all laugh and realize how silly they've been. LOL, silly friends.
23. You know when he's going to break up with her... before she does
Same sh*t they did to you. Different victim.
24. You've considered showing up shortly after like...
25. You've scoured his new fling's account and counted the ways you're better than her
26. Then brought in backup (aka your friends) for reassurance
And die slowly if they DARE give her a compliment.
27. You practically had a breakdown when he deleted his account
"Is he dead?"
"Did he realize I was watching?"
"WTF is wrong with him?"
"What do I do now?"
28. You've been threatened at least once.
Are you guilty of stalking an ex? Tweet us @wewomenUSA!