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The dating diaries. First up: eHarmony
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Mr. Idiot vs. Fashion Man


 - Mr. Idiot vs. Fashion Man
© George Doyle
Anyway, questionnaire done, three photos uploaded (one pretty, one funny, one pensive – you know the drill) and money handed over (a hefty £77 for three months), I begin the communication process.

After days of millions, it would seem, of perfect matches flooding into my inbox there is literally one guy, one guy, that appeals.

Now, am I shallow to be basing say, 80 per cent of my judgment on their photo? No, didn’t think so. But seriously, as much as I really do think that personality is the most important thing, I’d rather take a soupcon of good looks with that winning personality thank you very much. And good looks are slim pickings on this site.
Part of the problem, I think, are the absolutely ridiculous photos people seem to think are a good idea. My favourite has to be Mr Idiot, who posted a picture of his 5’5” inch frame, climbing a tree. I kid you not. The caption? “Hanging out in Stoke Newington”.

Ooh a GSOH* as well. Goody. Delete. This guy also had a kid, which I specifically said I didn’t want during my marathon form filling-in session. This unbeatable questionnaire system has definitely got a defect somewhere. You’d think it would be able to filter (crazy tree climbing) dads, wouldn’t you?
I message Fashion Man, the guy I like both from his picture (he’s the fittest by a marathon) and his answers (he has a dog he loves, and Led Zeppelin and his Mac). At this point, I realize again why I hate internet dating. By taking part you’re forced into this ridiculous forced upon you society, like communism, or something.

The messaging process is so complicated. I’ve found this rare gem of cuteness and humour and I just want to say hi, nothing too drastic. When I attempt to do this by choosing the ‘send own message’ option, I’m warned to be very careful that I’m not jumping ahead too quickly.
“Is this like skipping holding hands and jumping straight into bed?” I say to my cousin later. Basically, the site ‘recommends’ that you either send a (generic) ice breaker first, or a series of five multiple choice get-to-know-you-better questions. I mean, please. Why is that less full on, than a simple, ‘Hi, I like the look of your profile…’ type message?

Me being the internet dating rebel that I am, ignored the warnings and plowed straight in with the email of my own creation – duh duh duh!! As yet, the world hasn’t swallowed me whole for my audacity. Nor has he replied yet. Bummer. However, because you are able to check who has viewed your profile, I know that he’s yet to view mine.

*good sense of humour, for those not familiar


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