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The Policeman


(Not the actual policeman!!) © COMSTOCK IMAGES  / Jupiterimages
(Not the actual policeman!!) © COMSTOCK IMAGES / Jupiterimages
A. The Policeman

Just last week there was a text from my cousin's partner, a member of our beleaguered Police force, let's call him, for the sake of originality, Mr Vice: 'I think you should meet one of my cop friends - he looks just like the guy from Maroon 5!'

'Wow', I said, thinking, that guy from Maroon 5 is a bit of a tool but I suppose he is quite good looking, in a Guys Go Wild in Vegas kinda way. 'Perhaps you could set up a dinner party?'

'He's more of a night out in Manchester kind of guy' replies Mr Vice.

'Is he clever? Funny?' I say. A girl's got standards, after all...

'He's really smart, and the funniest guy I know. Can I give him your number?'

I must say at this point, in my whole 13-plus years of knowing Mr Vice he has never once put forward a possible suitor for me, so this is a real novelty. He must be good, surely?

'OK then, yeah, give him my number. Tell him to give me a call'. I'm now terrified.

'What do you think of Policemen?' I ask Mrs Patz the next day. I'm not sure, you see...

'Sex bags in hats' she says, practically foaming at the mouth.

She actually said that.


Alison Taylor
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