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The Sexbuddy: Some Good Reasons to Dive In

by Laurence-Emmanuelle Bédard Published on April 3, 2015

"Fuckfriend," "friend with benefits," or "fuck buddy," several expressions that describe a person who plays a special role in our lives and punctually satisfies us sexually without investing any romantic feelings. But is it that easy? Depends on how we approach the issue.

Where Does it Come From?

If the principle – having a man at hand and always ready to render his services to satisfy our libido – was not born yesterday, we talked about it much less openly than we do today and, most tellingly, we did not legitimate the phenomenon with a name. Therefore render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and render unto the heroines of Sex and the City that which is their's: the development and promotion of the concept of "fuckfriend" in an episode from the second season of the series.

What's the Point?

There are many ways to cope with the limp periods of our love life. Some patiently await the next toad in the hope that he might transform into Prince Charming, while others prefer to satisfy themselves from time to time with a small rubber duck or some vibrating sex toy, or maybe not!

There are those who do not want to go without physical contact, who want and need real corporal intimacy and who are not adverse to giving a hug solely for the pleasure that it offers. Such a person can aptly be named a "fuckfriend." This should emphatically not be confused with an escort or male prostitute. This is an entirely different cup of tea.

​Not only is the said "sex buddy" someone we already know well, but, above all, he is not remunerated for his performance!

The Ideal "Fuckfriend"

You can't shop for a fuck buddy in a catalogue or order it on Amazon! It's not a toy, but a human being ... However, you have to follow certain criteria in order to not screw up (so to speak) and to be 100 % satisfied with the service.

Preferentially, you should choose...

  • A man with whom you have already had more-than-satisfactory sex.
  • It can be an ex, provided both parties are thoroughly reconciled with the break-up.
  • You feel comfortable enough with him to experiment with less conventional positions to show off your legs, even when you haven't shaved that day!
  • His body turns you on.
  • He has an easy-going and generous manner. He does not hesitate to reinforce your confidence by telling you just how wonderful you are. That's always good for the morale.
  • You are mutually respectful friends. You don't judge each other.
  • He is generally available and responds quickly when called. Without asking too many questions.
  • He is SINGLE. Taking somebody else's man is not cool...

The Golden Rules of Fuckfriending

If you think that you can have a friend with benefits in total innocence without worrying about the consequences, you had better think again. Nothing is trivial from the moment that a relationship between two people begins. And even if it is "only" sex, there are certain rules to follow in order to not get hurt and to not hurt...

  • Do not fall in love! Easy? Not necessarily. In the course of having sexual relations with a man, feelings can arise. Be sure of yourself and of your heart so that you might be able to dodge any arrows that Cupid shoots your way.
  • ​The day after a night of love, do not expect any attention, such as an affectionate text message... You should be prepared to not hear from him for awhile.
  • You need to be clear from the start of the relationship. Without necessarily using the formula: "Do you want to be my fuckfriend?", you need to make it clear that you are looking for nothing more than a little fun.
  • If you become aware that that your "sex friend" begins to develop feelings for you, either you put an end to the relationship or you reconsider the arrangement. You should not allow him to believe that something is happening that, in fact, is not happening just so that you can continue to take advantage of his body.
  • Do not choose as a "sex friend" a guy to whom you are attracted, with the ulterior motive of connecting with him. Not a good idea.
  • Always use condoms. He may be fulfilling the same role with a number of other single women...
  • Outlaw going out with him on what could be mistaken to be a date: no movies, no suppers for two, no weekends in Mont-Tremblant, no introducing him to your friends... In this way, you avoid any misunderstanding about your intentions and you protect your heart!
  • Learn to not be possessive. He goes out with other girls? That's his right! You're not his girlfriend.
  • ​Do not hesitate to break the "fuck friend" relationship as soon as you start seeing a new man. But watch out! Just because you're not sleeping with him anymore doesn't mean that you should break all ties with him. He was there when you needed him, you have created a connection and you owe him some loyalty. After all, "fuck friend" includes the word "friend."

f you can explain the situation and stay in touch with him, all the more credit to you. And should you find yourself on the other side of that situation, be equally generous and understanding when he tells you that he has begun to see a special woman.

Finally, there are no definite rules. It may well happen that the two "sex buddies" fall in love with each other to begin a beautiful relationship... But forewarned is forearmed.

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by Laurence-Emmanuelle Bédard