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More sex, less housework?
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Analysing the behaviour of a couple in relation to housework

 

Psychotherapist and consultant Dr Dorn gives us some insight into changes on the housework front.

It feels like set ideas are changing only very slowly when it comes to sharing out housework equally. Is this the case?
That's exactly what's happening. Both men and women have come to realize that inequalities of the past aren't acceptable any more, but this is still quite a recent thing. On top of that, we're not always very clear about the issue: many women still see it as their job to make their home completely spotless!  

Still, if ideas are changing, why do so many young couples experience so much conflict over housework? 
Because young women are more demanding than they were in the past and have more commitments to juggle (careers and young children). Women over 40 are either readier to accept the idea that they should do the lion's share of the housework, or unable to accept it (in which case the relationship founders). At the end of the day, it's genuine grounds for divorce if a husband doesn't do his share of the housework.

What's the best way to stop arguing about housework?
I recommend the DESC system to my patients:
- Describe the situation.
- Express how it made you feel.
- Suggest a Solution.
- Show him the positive Consequences!

It's important to let him know how appreciative you are when he makes an effort, no matter how small. And if, as the study suggests, it improves your sex life, you can't lose!




  
  

Love & Sex Editor
2008/10/09
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