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Decode Your Girlfriend! 23 Things Women Think But Don't Say

Vivian KELLY
by Vivian KELLY Published on May 12, 2014

Ever wonder what your lady's really thinking? You're probably familiar with her body language by now - the eye roll, the hair flick, the eyebrow raise and the door slam? A woman's thought process can be pretty fierce. But if your curiosity's proving stronger than your fear, then here's the secret thoughts you've been dying to know...

1. Why do we always have to go Dutch?

YOU get the bill for once. A man’s gotta learn when to treat his lady.

2. Will he EVER surprise me with flowers?

Every girl wants flowers on her doorstep, got it? And Valentine’s Day isn’t the only day to buy them either. No ifs, ands or buts here. We. Want. Roses. Dammit.

3. Do you really have to play golf this morning?

We know the value of ‘boy time’, but seriously, if you’re making the effort every Saturday morning to spend time with your mates then we wanna know why we’re restricted to movie nights only. Not happy.

4. Get acquainted with a %^&*ing broom already!

It’s the 21st century - 'forgetting' to clean up after yourself isn't going to work. We ain’t your housewife. Sorry.

5. Why can't you get it right?

Every time we ask you to pick up something from the store you either play the forgetful card or buy the completely wrong thing. Is it really that hard?

6. Er, when’s the last time you showered?

Bathing once a week isn’t sexy, it’s gross. Please shower.

7. He doesn’t appreciate what I buy him...

At least pretend; come on! We buy our man a gift and then they hardly use it! What’s up with that? This only fuels resentment.

8. Stop. Eating. Sh*t.

You wish we had Jessica Alba’s bikini body, but then you're sitting there munching down pizza and chips for dinner. Don't blame us if we have a slice or two.

9. Yeah, he's definitely on the chubby side now...

Boy, GET ON that treadmill. We're always thinking of a million (nice) ways to hint about him hitting the gym, but men never seem to get it. WAH.

10. You need a haircut, stat!

We don't mean to get all mommy on you, but you know your man needs a haircut when he starts looking homeless.

11. I hope he ACTUALLY wants to do something this weekend

What happened to all the lovely wining and dining? Staying in every weekend is nice - at times. But we're so BORED now.

12. Screaming and air punches?

We WISH you knew how silly you looked while watching football. Funny is not even the word.

13. You’re not that good at DIY

Just because you're a man doesn't mean you’re better at it. Especially when we end up begging you to stop...

14. STOP moaning when I'm trying to get ready!

Can't a girl put her mascara on in peace? You want us to look pretty, but you moan when we try. Be patient.

15. Don't ask, just do!

When we're struggling with the supermarket shopping bags, it's not the best time for questions.
"Do you want a hand with that?” No sh*t.

16. Yes, ALL those beauty products are necessary

You want the results, but without the beauty addiction? You're asking for too much. A girl can never have too many products. You'll be thanking us in 20 years.

17. Not gonna lie, I wish you had abs...

We know there's a six pack underneath all that blubber. Here's some motivation...

18. I hate when you eat less than I do...

Why!? You're genetically built to eat more than a female. Start eating and quit making us feel fat.

19. For God's sake, stop internalizing!

We know guys don't like talking emotions. But tapping into your feelings and speaking your mind will help us more than you know. Hey, we might even stop nagging you!

20. You can run me a bath, but don't think about getting in...

Unless you can run an epic bath like this one. Same goes for the shower. Jumping in the shower without an invitation? Don't even think about it.

21. I'm not into morning sex...

Thrusting against us at 7am? Please put your penis away. This is probably the only time when sleep is DEFINITELY better than sex. There we said it.

22. You cling to us on a night out BUT...

...sober you don't give a damn. What's up with that?

23. The washing up dilemma - here's the deal...

Sorry we don't have a Ph.D. in dishwasher stacking. But AT LEAST we're capable of washing our dishes by hand. #justsaying

Boys, we didn't forget about you! Look out for part two 23 Things Men Are Really Thinking...

What else goes through your mind when you're with your man? Tweet us @wewomenCA!

by Vivian KELLY

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